What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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