Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
