I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
