somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
