I can't watch pbs sober anymore
this beer tastes like vomit already
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
