how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
