I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
