dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
