I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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