so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
