He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
