But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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