I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
