good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
