then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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