how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
