he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize