I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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