Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
