How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
