I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
