We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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