He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
