i jhust puked up my retainher.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
