I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
