sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
