I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
