Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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