So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
