i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this just has baby written all over it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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