How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
