Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
