I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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