guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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