I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
