I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My vagina is officially offended.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
