The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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