Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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