i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize