I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
