I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
