I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
