that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
