i will never coherently bang her
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize