I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
