I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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