Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
The air taste purple.
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