Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
