dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
