Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
