Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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