I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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