you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
