i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
