don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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