Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize