This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
