She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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