we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I had to cum in my sink.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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