So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
