3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
why didn't you poke me back
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
