i think my tv is drunk
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
