Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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