My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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