Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
