What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
