i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
