I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
