That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
