I cannot find my penis.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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