super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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