Ambien. No doubt about it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
