Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
