first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
