He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
