Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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