You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
