sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
