Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
