Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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