oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
one two three fourrrrnication!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize