I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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