took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
