Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize