I wish my penis had an off switch
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
