Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
