i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
