There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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