You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
