Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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