Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
