I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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