the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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