we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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