I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
