What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
