She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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