In America we eat man semen.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
