I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
