i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
