A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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