Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
