She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
