time to smoke my breakfast
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
