You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
