I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
