wakey wakey hands off snakey
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
