I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
