She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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