the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
