Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
