Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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