you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
