; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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